fks vs hollywood true story

ok this is going to be a serious post.

disclaimer: this doesn't reflect any type of low self esteem or low self image. nor is it a cry for pitty in any form. more than anything these are my thoughts --- reflections.

for those of you who know me, i am really good at making fat kid jokes. but also those that know me, know that i am far from a skinny girl.

i have had several experiences over the last year that have really made me reflect on society and their view on bigger girls/women. in simple plain terms chunky or overweight.

i really struggle with paradigm that people have about overweight girls. some think that they one is not skinny (that term refers to those who fit in pants size 0 - 8) they are lesser of a person, they are not entitled to certain things, and generally just deserve to be treated in a lesser manner.

it really aggravates me that one would use the weight of one, to make so many judgments. i know that as a young adult, many things are affected; confidence, dating, security, acceptance, etc.

i am going to speak personally, because i feel that will be the best way to describe my feelings, true feelings --- as result of my reflections.

although i am confident in who i am, in what i can do, and how i can perform, there is still part of me that has those insecurities. as a young girl, and all growing up, i was the chunky girl with frizzy hair. it really takes a toll on a person. luckily i have classy friends who took the time to get to know me and accept me for who i am versus the way i look. but i have no doubt, that to this day there have been reservations on many people's parts, as a result of my weight/image. unfortunately many girls allow those experiences to drag them down.

i have met a girl recently, who i can see her self image/worth is to pots because of this ridicule or judgment she has received. and it continues in all venues (school, work, social).

why? why do we 1.) do that to others? and 2.) allow that to effect us?

we are human. as confident, independent, "i don't need anyone" mentality i have, i do long for it. i long to be accepeted, to be asked out by a boy, to be respected & known for the type of work i do. i don't want others to be ashamed to introduce me to others.

i don't know if society will ever change, or if there will always be people who will do anything to put themselves above others (and it seems that overweight girls and maybe boys are the easy targets). but i do know that those who DO look pass the outside image, and really get to know me for who i am, and aren't 'ashamed' of me -- or those i personally treasure the most; that mean the most to me.

i am full of gratitude for the way i was raised, for the example of my father and my mother. they are strong people who do NOT care what people think of them. but are confident in themselves and one another.

just last week week i had a great conversation with a friend. he encouraged me to strictly focus on my inner self image. and not necessarily what i look like. cause if i have that confidence/mentality when walking into a room, that i am "a 10", that is all that matters.

but how does one get to that point? how does a 'fat kid' stick it to the man? i don't know if i have accurately expressed my feelings about this topic. but my only wish is that people would be more accepting and not so quick to jump to conclusions, and have just as equally high standards for a bigger girl than they would a skinny kid.